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(no subject) [Nov. 3rd, 2004|12:20 pm]

[music |Fallen-Evanescence]

NightmaresCollapse )
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just a little reminder... [Nov. 2nd, 2004|10:18 am]

[mood |amusedamused]

Happy Birthday to me!
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Pictures! [Oct. 25th, 2004|09:12 pm]

[mood |lovedloved]

hey everyone. just thought i would share a few pictures in case anyone actually cared. feel free to take a peek...


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(no subject) [Oct. 4th, 2004|08:19 pm]
im in this emotionaless slump and im really am not sure what to do


it drives me crazy when this happens, not even my favorite tunes can do the trick not even................nothing!
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In a world of cocaine and broken dreams.. [Sep. 26th, 2004|09:43 pm]

We'll all go to heaven, he said, there is no hell, only heaven.
I'll meet you there, I'll wait, he told me, I'll be waiting for you outside the gates cuz I'll get there first.
Don't say that, I tried to argue, you don't know that.
He gave me a little smile and said that we both knew he would.
(he lived to fast and hard for it be to any other way)
But he said he'd be waiting.
After that we just stopped talking for a while.

&I wonder if he realized how precious his words were.
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(x-posted in my personal journal) [Sep. 19th, 2004|02:16 pm]

I am the handshake after twenty long years of separation. Greeting you with a smile, I turn away after our brief exchange and laugh to myself. You thought things would be quite different? I knew they had to be this way, and I do not apologize.

I am the phone call in the middle of the night, awakening you from peaceful slumber to say hello. But our conversation is swallowed by the distance between us. There is no way for our words to break through the static. But isn’t this how it was from the beginning? I believe the answer is yes, and will accept that fact.

I am the fire inside of you that continues to burn, hoping that one day this masquerade will be over. But there is no room for feeling on this day. That notion left you long ago. And it’s just as well. There was never room for anything in our lives, and I will admit that.

I am the steady hand that guided you while everyone else laughed and pointed and mocked us. Do you remember? I don’t expect you would. The years passed by so quickly, and our time became so precious. We somehow lost touch and allowed everything unholy to rip us apart. And now I’m finally realizing the laughs and smiles were nothing more than a delicately crafted ruse I inflicted upon myself. I will deal with this.

I am the beautiful day you waited for. At least that’s what you always told me. But I never came. There were times I teased you a little - the glimpse of sunshine creeping around behind the clouds, the moment of clarity after the storm’s passing. Perhaps you simply expected too much. Please don’t hold yourself accountable. It could be no other way.

I am those love letters you hid beneath your bed and quietly read in the early hours of the morning, after the lights went down and you were all alone in your little cocoon of contrived safety. Don’t lie to me again. Those letters were nothing more than sheets of blank paper stained yellow with the passage of time. No words were written on them. The charades are over. Those letters never meant anything.

I am the long car ride home, the return to the beginning, the uphill journey toward nothing. What did you expect? Perhaps you were paralyzed by the emptiness you never quite escaped from. You’ll get used to this feeling. You’ll also grow content with it and possibly even embrace it. Loneliness. Emptiness. Disappointment. These are the three elements upon which success is based. Refuse to accept them, and you will crumble.

Perhaps we’ll meet again someday, two lonely characters in mankind’s greatest tragedy. We’ll sit down over a pint and talk for hours without saying anything at all. I’ll tell you how amazing my job is. You’ll speak of your family and three brilliant children with respect and adoration. Then we’ll laugh together and confess to each other how stupid we were to allow everything wonderful in our lives to dissolve away.

I must admit I do miss what we never had, and I’m sure there will be times when I sit down and look back on everything we never shared. These will be memories I speak of fondly, little soldiers marching across the synapses. But they will lose strength with time, decaying gradually as the years pass. And there will come a time when everything that meant nothing loses all meaning, and all those perfect moments we never shared fail to exist at all.
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(no subject) [Sep. 16th, 2004|07:28 pm]
Well, here goes my useless ramblings...
The other day in school (because I'm a loser and didn't grad) I asked to use the washroom and the teacher told me to wait. To WAIT!!! I mean, what if I had the runs or something? Am I supposed to just go on the floor or implode because someone felt like saying no? I know there has to be rules but the line is thin.
Anyways, besides that, I wish that people would just leave others alone and stop picking on trivial things such as clothes, hair, etc...it wouldn't totally cure lifes stressers, but it would be a start.
It'd be nice to pause the world(if only for a second)open my eyes and breathe.
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(no subject) [Sep. 3rd, 2004|10:29 pm]
[mood |bitchybitchy]
[music |crickets and the keyboard...what else?]

i'm tired of the lies and the persistent parade of perfection these people nowadays have come accustomed to, i mean COME ON how did we let Barbie the idealic model of what a woman must look like to be "beautiful"? if she was real she would tip over, im tired of the countless pairs of implants i see in one day, and this lady...i don't think she knows when to s-t-o-p, no where in nature would you see something as hideous as what the plastic surgeons created, i actually feel sorry for her... she should get a lawyer and sue the bastards, that is if she didn't waste all her money on the hack-job

so i've been up four hours.......im tired, im cold, im being quite bitchy, therefore IM DONE
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(no subject) [Jan. 11th, 2004|02:26 am]

[mood |blahdidy blah blah]
[music |system of a down- chop suey.... hiyaa!!]

well, here we are again, another empty room, another empty life. how sadder could this world possibly get when you have nothing and nothing is everything? go figure, crap just isn't that bad afterall...
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